Flash Gordon

           

"FLASH! (buda-bum-bum) Ah-ahhhhh. Saviour of the universe!"

   

Brilliant.

OK, so I know it's stupid and scriptless and action driven and unashamedly American (because everyone should be a little ashamed of everything), but the mere mention of 'Flash Gordon' never fails to bring a smile to my face. It's one of those dumb things that are stuck in my head, and while in a very real way I can find no fault with it, in another way I do see that it's the epitome of silly movie sci-fi and everything that I should feel strongly against. It's just so awesome though, right? "So bad, yet so good" said the guy in 'Ted' (or maybe it was the bear - it was one of them, anyway. No matter that they were high and are fictional).

It's like 'Star Wars' with all the depth and meaning sucked out, and then a worse plot and actors tacked on, and some embarrassing and yet hugely enjoyable special effects used. I think that description makes it sound pretty bad, but even if you did do all of that to 'Star Wars' it would still be 'Star Wars', right? A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet, and this rose is going by 'Flash Gordon' - and, uh, we also spliced it a little to smell worse and then explode. But still a rose.

   

   

There are a few things I really liked about 'Flash Gordon': Brian Blessed playing the king of the big Norse laser shooting guys, Timothy Dalton playing Robin Hood, The awesome Queen soundtrack, Flash's flying scooter, and the ridiculousness of all the villains (especially Ming). This movie also invented the harry potter scar, in the form of Flash's lighting bolt logo (though, to be fair, the SS and the ancient Greeks helped too).

While I legitimately love this goofy film, I do understand that you have to be a special sort of odd to enjoy it as much as I do. It's dated so badly that even the somewhat serious scenes are laughable, and this is one of the things that gets most people, but none of it is meant to be taken seriously - not even the effects, not even at the time. It's all a big joke, and if you can't see that through the model ships and colourful dry ice, then it's on you.

    

"Flash! Flash, I love you! But we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!"
    
Flash Gordon: 68.7