I think everything apart from Boutella sucked about this film.
Tom
Cruise is a thief. He stole... he tried to steal a ring, or
something. And then he sort of stole that dagger at the end. I mean
he grabbed it, anyway. He didn't steal my attention though. He was a
bad choice of lead for this. That and the writing, which is devoid of
nearly any wit, resulted in a hugely bland movie. So it's no fun (what
I was expecting, considering the 90s 'The Mummy') but it isn't smart or
scary either. Lets talk about why it isn't any of those things.
So,
fun: now and then it feels like it's trying to be 'Indiana Jones'
(running around with explosions at the start, that bit where he
shoots the rope to do the thing, stuff like that), but it feels kinda
weird when they're fighting Daesh. If this is Indiana Jones, these
guys are the Nazis. Since it's current it felt awkward in the movie
though, as the real life extremists fought fantasy American guy. The
comic relief was almost soley in the hands of Nick from 'New Girl'
(wasn't he in 'Jurassic World' too?). I like the actor, but he
doesn't work for this and the writing is terrible, so none of the
jokes landed. He dies later on, then they 'An American Werewolf inLondon'-ed him for the rest of the movie, only to bring him back to life
randomly at the end. On top of all of that we had to open with Daesh
shooting up a statue (of Ugallu? He had a lion head anyway - I'm
not that hot on ancient Mesopotamia), which sort of pissed me off and
left a bitter taste in my mouth that distracted me for the next half
hour (art destruction is something of a pet peeve of mine, the older
the more so).
How wasn't it smart? Well I wasn't expecting it to be (none of the
other iterations of 'Mummy' movies have been), so it goes without
saying that it was massively historically inaccurate. They were
really laying on the 'Last Crusade' with the focus on crusader
knights, and I didn't see any reason for them to move from Media to
England so fast (if at all), but then I don't see why the whole thing couldn't have just
been set in Egypt, so. The dialogue was far from smart - most of it
was either stating the obvious or going over things, and the plot was
predictable and mindless.
What
was the last one? Scary? Yeah, it wasn't scary. I liked the mummy lady though (I don't think I ever fail to mention when Sofia Boutella is in a lead role): she was pretty and her tattoos were nice - also being the living receptacle of Set sounds like fun.
The Mummy: 29.9