Do
you remember STAR WARS? So does Disney!
“Lets
just get this over with, shall we?”
Holy
fan service Batman, this sure did have a lot of things from 'Star
Wars' in it. I don't know why “you'll be dead” guy or R2 and C3PO
were even in this, those bits were weird and a little embarrassing.
So
after a pretty strong start with 'The Force Awakens', Disney started
safe with their stand alones, keeping 'Rogue One' full of references
to the original series, and bringing back loads of characters us
losers will recognise. So much so that 'Rogue One' ended up feeling
like a prequel (didn't they make a cartoon series about this, or
something?). The problem with prequels is: did this story ever really
need to be told? Well, no. I mean it's art, which (arguably by
definition) is unnecessary, but as with the case for any story it's
the way that it's told that matters.
There
are two clear routes that this film could have taken, as far as I'm
concerned. This could have been a fun spy/heist movie (Like 'Oceans
11' or... 'Mission Impossible' - hey I said “fun”, not “smart”)
where a rag-tag group of rebels infiltrate the Death Star, maybe
impersonate an officer or something, have to crawl around in
ventilation shafts and dupe someone into helping them in some
overcomplicated way. In this world wise cracking robots and silly
references and cameos would feel at home. I wouldn't take the film
seriously, but I'd enjoy it a hell of a lot more.
The
other route would have been a darker brooding war drama with real,
relatable characters that you build an emotional connection with. It
could be set from a very limited perspective, we don't see any of the
big players, just the horror and tyranny of the Empire at work. You
could even have a sort of 'All Quiet on the Western Front' moment
where one of our protagonists find out that there are real people
under those storm trooper masks, and that they're just as scared and
confused as the rebels. Or they could do a 'Full Metal Jacket' and
start us off in a makeshift rebel (or Imperial) boot camp, where we
follow a group of green cadets through training and into the field.
Or do both and make the movie three hours long. Hell, I don't know.
But
Mickey Mouse is a greedy bugger. He tried to have his Vader-cake and
eat it too, and now he's obese and vomiting it up onto children. The
characters lacked any depth and so of course I didn't care (or even
notice, a few times) when they died. The cameos and references to the
original series were so frequent and transparent that it quickly felt
lazy. At the same time, the amount of violence and death (of EVERY
main character) means that this'll be a difficult film for little
kids to enjoy, because little kids are pussies.
So
the target audience seems to be 30-35 year old fat guys with beards,
who orgasm when they see ATATs. That's fine, I have nothing against
them, and it's certainly a great 'Star Wars' fan movie.
Disney
played it too safe with 'Rogue One'. What we should be seeing at this
point is some real innovation, something of a completely different
style and tone to the rest of the series. 'Star War' has never been
the most serious thing, so I think at this point I'd be making gory
80s style horror films set in the same universe, or artsy stuff. I
don't know, just something to shake the universe up and establish
these supposedly stand alone films as being properly separate.
I
didn't hate the film, it just didn't live up to expectations. If it
wasn't a 'Star Wars' movie it would just be a strangely structured
forgettable sci-fi. I didn't feel anything for the characters, but
the action was all fine. The dog fighting at the end was particularly
exciting and well shot (this director has a great sense of scale that
I've noticed in things like his 'Godzilla'). What everyone talked
about was the cartoon Tarkin - I didn't actually hate him. It wasn't
perfect, but it was fairly impressive and they kept him mostly in the
dark. It was a very Lucas-esque move, testing new effects tech in his
movies, for better or worse. The Leia shot at the end was on the nose
though. Too obviously fake, it pulled me out of the film and muddied
the ending.
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story: 67.1