Fuck me, is this every Christmas movie. I like cheese, but I prefer it to go in my mouth rather than forcing itself into my eyes and ears. This movie is cheese on toast. It's cheese on toast without the toast, it's melted cheddar on a raclette tray. That's not to say that there's anything European about it - it's all American suburbs and tasteless plastic reindeer. Huh, I honestly thought it was spelt "raindeer" until just now.
The characters are even more basic than my spelling skills, and with the exception of the two fathers, are almost comically two dimensional. Fat New Yorker is married to ditzy blonde, and Chess club president is married to characterless brunette. That's literally all you need to know. Danny DeVito is the New Yorker, but I'm not entirely convinced this is a good thing.
The husbands fight a battle over Christmas lights, which DeVito drapes over his house so that it can seen from space (you don't need the lights, guy, unless you mean with the naked eye - in which case good luck). It's depressing that it's all presented so light-heatedly, as these poor sad men ruin their families' Christmases - also depressing that their families care so much about Christmas. It all ends predictably happily, and there's an alright ice skate racing scene.
Deck the Halls: 11.9