"I'm a Catholic whore currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at the military abortion clinic. So hail Satan and good day."
Why would a Catholic be worshiping Satan? Unless they've changed a lot since school (went to a Catholic primary school, don't ask) or I just wasn't paying much attention.
Did you ever see that movie 'Stormbreaker?' Well this is sort of like that, but a bit better.
It's sort of like a lot of things though, chiefly the Bond movies. That is to say, it's British. Very British, in a sort of way that occasionally felt put-upon, but was mostly entertaining. The main problem the other rookie spies have with Eggsy is that he's working class, the Kinsmen shoot about in an updated tube, etc. (and by saying "etc" that doesn't mean that I've ran out of ideas, like usual. Eggsy lives in a flat in a very councilly looking bit of London, uh, he goes to the pub a lot, they wear tweed suits occasionally)
It's interesting that Fox should be making a movie all about gentlemen when Murdoch - one of the most hateful men in existence (honestly, I was somewhat on board with Valentine but I'd never go for whatever crappy chip Murdoch would be peddling) - also runs shitfests like the Sun and Sky.
But plenty is made by Fox, and I don't blame the movie for that. The acting was all good and the fight scenes were the best I've seen in weeks (a long time). I especially liked Sofia Boutella in this regard - you can totally see her dancing coming into it, and now I hear that she's in talks for other films, which is no more than she deserves. Honestly, I think she made the movie, I can't praise her enough and look forward to seeing her in other things - I'd even consider watching ballet.
Colin Firth was also fun as Eggsy's mentor figure, doing his best David Niven-Bond impersonation to great enjoyment from myself. Michael Caine, Samuel L. Jackson and Mark Strong did an excellent job as always - and, kinda weirdly (but enjoyably), Mark Hamill made a fairly brief appearance as a kooky JAFFA (an abbreviation I picked up from my father and the technicians he used to work with at the local uni that stands for Just Another Fucking Academic).
It was far from perfect though. The plot had some bite to it, but failed to bite back in any meaningful way; while interesting motivations were raised, they weren't explored, and the bad guys remained exactly that. There was a lot of swearing and violence, but I was aware of the movie trying to shock me while watching it, which I found a little distracting. Likewise, the self-awareness was funny at times, but not particularly needed, and sometimes a little heavy handed.
In all though an excellent action movie that keeps one's attention and would not be a mistake to watch, but not particularly thought provoking or deep in any way that works.
Oh yeah, and when you saw him come out towards the end dressed in the suit did you think "NERD" too? With those glasses? No? Yes? Nah, I can't hear you; shut up.
Oh yeah, and I like brogues, so there.
Kingsman: The Secret Service: 50.4